Just a simple post to keep things going while my entire family's watching indiana jones on chnl5.. Rly, not interested at all.
Listening to tongue tied by faber drive reminds me of 2008 all over again. I miss how things were so simple back then, no complexity at all. (Isn't this sentence cliche?) That was the time when talking to ppl was so easy peasy- no bothers bout how stupid you sound or the consequences of your careless sayings. But now, (call this growing up), I realise that a conversation actually contains more than what's expected. It's not just a simple chat anymore- hidden agendas, sarcasm, paranoia and many others not otherwise stated.
It could be a change for me, but i don't find the need to converse (or socialize ftm) anymore. Why shld i let ppl know more bout me? Or, ppl who doesn't exist in my life to even know bout me? If they're my close ones, sure. But if they're pure acquaintances whom i've never bothered, why the hypocrisy? I don't know man, I rly don't know what's going on with me lately. I used to be that jovial, bubbly, enthusiastic and good-humored girl who talks to almost every active msn buddy i have had. But now, i don't even go online anymore.
Just recently, i talked to a close buddy i had in good ol' 08. Due to circumstances, we lost contact. And thanks to the mighty features of whatsapp, we managed to catch up again. It's queer how we still understand each other despite not communicating for a good one year (or more). Maybe that's what you call true fate. Even 10 years down the road, the connection or the familiarity will still be there. I will never forget the memories i had now- no matter happy or sad. As much as i want to forget all of the unhappy stuffs, i just can't. It's not like it's painful (unlike what dramas usually exaggerate), it's more of heart-wrenching. Nah not that severe, disappointing maybe? These memories are parts and parcels of me. Without them, i'm incomplete. No, i'm not reminiscing nor am i still feeling the sorrows. I've moved on. As much as i hate to admit it myself, i was indeed escaping. It's back to reality baby. I will never forget the betrayal i've felt. I am gonna bring this experience with me to start a new chapter of my life and swear upon my life to never make the same mistake ever again. Never. Maybe that's the purpose of the new blog title.
I guess for most people, the previous paragraph is a whole chunk of crap. But for me- it's a whole chunk of big deal. My friend would have known me as someone whose doesn't admit to whatever thing and i would rather lie a million times than to say i'm hurt. Yes, i've said it. I was hurt. So fucking much. I didn't want people to bring up these unhappy memories. But really, i was so fucking stupid. Why did i let myself get affected so much? Why was i so fucking dumb to trust the wrong person (or ppl)? Why didn't i just find someone and just cry the fuck out to that person instead of suffering alone? Why was i acting tough and all cool bout it? Why? Why? Why?
It's all over. I've learnt a lesson. And i hope you too. Thanks to you, i've became wary of the people i make friends with. In fact, I don't even make new frens anymore. It's okay, i'm not a vengeful person. As much as i want you to trip over a banana skin and knock your head against the lamppost and roll over a 20-floor-high staircase at speed 120 km/h and get burnt to death alive in a trapped elevator.., nah it's stupid. That's the old me, that bitch. Call me an updated whore. I just want you to rmb the past memories and feel guilty for the fucking rest of your life. No need to feel guilty? Well, think again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again and again. There- you might :)
Maybe that's why i love 2008 so much. The innocence and the simplicity- it was so awesome (the word). And most importantly, it was before i truly know you for who you are. Last words to you- Goodbye, Good riddance and Good luck.
God, memories just kept flowing back while listening to HSM songs. Especially Senior Year Spring Musical- a medley of all past HSM hits.
Dejection and whatnots aside, tomorrow's D-day. All the 4 years in temasek, just awaiting for this moment. The release of Olvl results. With the change of the principal, i wonder how's the sch management team's gna run this year's release. Applause, champagne and a day break from sch for our juniors? I just hope we're gonna do well, the entire school.
My fate is sealed after completing the papers, now i just have to keep my fingers crossed. Tomorrow as i step in the school hall, i wanna feel nothing but completion. A complete end to the torture (and love) i've been through. After tomorrow, there's no more need to return to temasek wearing that darned uniform anymore (o hurray!). I just hope everything goes well. The subject that i'm MOST worried is none other than my best friend- english. I've screwed up the paper, real bad (didn't complete essay). I just hope I would at least get a C5. Please.
I hope Jesus would answer to my prayers. I'm not a greedy person. I don't expect a 6 nor a 7. A 11 or 10 would be ideal. I know i didn't do my utmost best in this examinations and now's too late for regrets. I just hope, I won't be disappointed. Because i know how it feels like, and i hate it. I'm sorry Lord, for all my past mistakes. Just this once- help me again. Give me strength, hope and faith. Let me believe in myself just this once. I need to pull through this. Even if it's gonna end up bad, I believe it's a path that Lord wants me to take and I will follow it. Thank You Lord for the power you've given me that allowed me to throw my past behind me. Thank You so much, my Savior. Amen.
I rmb when i was young, my prayers would start with "God, i'm sorry for bothering you despite your busy schedule, but i rly need your help in...". How stupid of me to treat Jesus Christ as Santa. Anyways, I've learnt that God doesn't give you what you want. In fact, He gives you the power and will to get what you want with your own hands. He doesn't feed you, He teaches you. And that's what's important. With God by my side, i am strong to overcome anything. And i will.
All the best to everyone getting back their results tomorrow! Though i'm still in a dilemma whether to go a jc or a poly.. but I'll leave it all to God. He'll lead me to a right place that i'll love entirely :>
Till I have something to talk bout again. Good bye.
